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On contradiction

20140724_131438Ambivalence is the skin of the world pulled tight over everything. It creates an interesting tension of opposites that govern the world. It is the slim thread woven into the tapestry of life and we do not like it. We have been taught to see contradiction as the enemy of clarity, reason and problem solving. This is a pity.

The most glaring contradictions are so obvious they are invisible. They are clunky and dull and we all know them. Our age has embraced democracy as the ideal form of governance since it safeguards the rights of all of its citizens. Yet the choices we have are presented to us and governments monitor us to protect our right to choose between the options they have presented us with? Television, film, social media are the modern day equivalent of the circuses of ancient Rome; a distraction creating the illusion of participation in something grander than the mundane reality of everyday life. Contradiction cloaks international politics. States proclaim allegiance to God and then claim moral justification for murder. The central tenets of love, tolerance and allegiance to humanity as laid out by various teachers are replaced by cultural ideology. Democracy is delivered by force and submission to God’s love brought by explosives, bullets and blood. Billions of dollars change hands daily while people starve in faraway places. The first world cares, governments care, politicians care-everyone cares. ‘Care’ is becoming an obsolete word.

The more interesting contradictions are more subtle. Loss informs our sense of what we have. The inevitability of death enlightens our perspective of life. Dark nights of the soul prepare us for renewal and extra crunchy peanut butter is enhanced by silky syrup. Ambivalence is inescapable since the words comprising our language are each strung taut between opposites; each defined by what it is not. Having two opposing or contradictory attitudes simultaneously is generally considered as flimsy or weak; an inability to decide. I think we would all be better off if we embraced ambivalence more often and lost the need to always have an opinion. Science may shed some light on the matter.
Quantum mechanics had fame thrust upon it when photons (particles of light) were seen to operate as waves and particles-a contradiction called the wave-particle duality that has opened up more avenues of scientific exploration than Newton’s fabled apple. Today the study of atoms, their composition and how they behave is riddled with fascinating contradictions like the fact that matter is composed more of empty space. Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle implies we cannot measure the momentum and the position of a particle at the same time, much like tracking teenagers?
Children can swing from saying “I love you” to “I hate you” in seconds with unflinching intensity and integrity. When adults do the same we feel betrayed by the words; as if for the first time words have been able to detect and accurately measure the delicate frequency of our hearts. The constants in our lives exists beyond the reach of any language that must snake and ladder between positive and negative poles. When we struggle to articulate we sense the collision of two worlds of certainty-up/down; positive/negative; good/bad and the panic that ensues we have come to term ‘contradiction’ and regard this as an invalid state of being. A pity, there’s so much good stuff in between. Our humanity shines through when we rebel against this two dimensional tendency.

Holding two or more contrary thoughts at the same time ought not to be called ‘confusion’. Sometimes a thing is neither right nor wrong but what Richard Bach calls the “Isness”; it just is what it is. Contradiction emerges when we try to pin an idea or perception to a fixed place and keep it there. Ideas that become fixed as constant and unmoveable are called dogma and dogma that insists on allegiance is called propaganda. We like certain constants because they make our world seem more stable and deep down we all know that things always change. The only constancy is change.

“Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, “Song of Myself” 49 , 1324-1326.

Mushrooms and being

DSC_0118It’s easy to see why Sylvia Plath compared gentle and shy people to mushrooms. They arrive quietly without announcement, are hardly noticed and they do not stay very long. I was sufficiently excited by the presence of this elegant fungi to take a photograph of it. I suspect my fascination with mushrooms and certain insects lies in their brief existence. They stubbornly arrive and live in defiance of their imminent demise; much like most humans. In a world where success seems to be measured by how many people notice our achievements, there is a refreshing reminder here that the value of life is not in the degree of attention we receive but rather in the quality of our presence. It’s about being not being seen.

How buckshot turns grouse into swans

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Sometimes I feel like a lumbering grouse panicked by hunters popping buckshot. Friends are falling all around me and I despair. When friends die we talk of them as having passed because we cannot bear the finality of their loss. It reminds us that we too shall pass, that everything passes. Heaped on top of the anxieties of making mortgage payments, managing credit card debt and earning enough money for present needs as well as for retirement-the loss of people we love seems grossly unjust. It feels tragic even though tragedy, strictly speaking, is reserved for significant lives and if we are honest, life has a way of making the best of us feel utterly insignificant. The news of death generates (sometimes briefly, sometimes for longer) an existential survey. We review our lives, measure our accomplishments; we try to quantify success and qualify our presence. We do this because in the rush of daily duties, lists, must do’s and have to’s we forget that we will die. We all seem to understand that the nature of life is the ever looming and implicit clause of brevity. What we struggle with is that a life lived in servitude to employers does not guarantee the fulfilment of dreams which have sustained the countless days, months, years on the treadmill of economic survival. It does not feel right that a lifetime of service is cut short with such indifference to the soul that has endured bending to the callous god of material sustenance.
Maybe we busy ourselves more from a desire to avoid such painful inventories of the soul or maybe because exhaustion makes us feel that we are accomplishing something? I don’t get more sentimental with age, I get angrier at what I am coming to regard as a fundamental flaw in the design of the human mechanism, the body that is at once capable of such grandeur and beauty is also susceptible to the degrading onset of decay, that we call old age. It’s not old age; it’s a catastrophe. Against the backdrop of this rage there is, ironically, the emergence of a gentler voice that looks at the absurdity of the human condition and smiles because there seems little else to do in the face of annihilation. This is what makes us so remarkable, so grand and so incredibly lovable and worthy of respect and admiration. With our backs against the wall, we humans do not give up. We go hell-for-leather into the abyss and I think for that alone, we are a bloody marvellous species. I am proud to be human. I am above all proud of my friends, grateful to my family; exceptionally humbled by the love I receive on a daily basis. Because of that, loser or hero, something or nothing, I don’t regret a second of my dappled existence. With every ounce of sincerity I can muster, I say these words and hope they are heard as true and honest, despite the obvious negativities of life, I am happy to be alive and to have lived. I try to reserve the anger and channel its energy into activities that are life affirming. Henry Kissinger once said: “nothing clarifies the mind like the lack of alternatives.” There is no alternative to death but life and therefore those of us who have it should make every effort to use it with conscious appreciation and if we can do that, the living of it may someday resemble elegance. We may be awkward buckshot-dodging grouse, but with a bit of luck, some days we may feel like swans.

How to bottle mist

The quest for self discovery never ends. In my youth I lacked the courage to leave my world in order to find myself in India, Marakech or on Route 66. Now, in mid-life the thought of such adventure seems too ‘new-age’, too irresponsible and too late. The thought of flying off for adventure is pre-empted by the prospect of deep vein thrombosis in economy class, tedious passport controls, long queues and anal anti-smoking regulations in airports where it takes half an hour to navigate through slow walkers, zombie consumers and just too many people in one place. Less is more. If i’m going to find myself, right here will do. Geography should not alter the state of the soul. I have adopted Picasso’s axiom-‘the world will come to my doorstep.’ So far I’ve only had those spiritual conquistadors, the Jehova’s Witness, but I am an optimist.
I will share a composite representation of the last few weeks.

I sit outside in the morning sun intent on discovering who this “i ” is.

1. I feel the warmth of the sun on my face; but I am not my face.
2. I see light catch the glass table and reflect a prism of colour onto the floor; but I am not my eyes.
3. I hear cars pass, a crow, a dog bark, a teaspoon stir in a cup; but I am not my ears.
4. I smell the aroma of my coffee and the delicate fragrance of Frangipani; but I am not my nose.
5. I taste the bitter-sweet coffee; but I am not my tongue.
My body experiences the world, my brain records the experience, but where am I?
My keyboard reacts to my finger tips which in turn are processed by the hard drive and traces of me appear on the screen. I have a keyboard, a laptop and I call the hard drive ‘mine’; but none of them is me.

Asking who or what is behind the sensory experience of the world only seems to cloud my mind. I dismiss thinking. I do not entertain thoughts. I allow them to pass, the way the driver of a car allows pedestrians to cross at a zebra crossing. I ease into the sensory experience. I feel very much at ease. I have a sense of contentment, of needing nothing more than just this. The moment I ask why I feel at ease, the feeling slips away.

I will call the experience a space and say that I entered the space by transcending words. I will reveal that the feeling of peace and contentment was tangible, in a non-physical way at least? And yet here I sit; grafting words onto something that defies vocabulary. Is this me trying to write myself? I attempt to trace here the process of my experience on my patio, to document the dance between intellect and this elusive shadow. It seems absurd that I am so far from myself? How can it be that, that which is me, is a mystery? I hear Marcel Duchamp applaud in my mind, whatever that is?

We come to the world through biology and words. We extract meaning from experience by placing recollection alongside reason with the hope that afterwards there is some residue of understanding. Hah!
I begin to grasp that iconic philosophical crossroad, the ‘linguistic turn’ where the manner of searching diverged. On the one hand those who reasoned that language and it’s rules of grammar are innate, and on the other those who maintained that language is random and derives meaning only when words are placed in a context with other words. Words …

Perhaps trying to find the “I”, the “self” is like trying to understand electricity by contemplating a light bulb?

No, it’s like trying to bottle mist!

Picture
Mist often hangs low above the earth. It is attracted to earthy things.

How to bottle mist
1. Select a misty day.
2. Remove stones from jar.
3. Keep jar open, ensuring that the lid is close at hand.
4. Hold jar high above head and walk rapidly through mist.
5. Quickly insert stones which will encourage the mist to remain in the jar.
6. Seal with lid of jar.
7. Now you are able to enjoy your jar of mist, even on sunny days.
8. In sunshine you may notice condensation in the bottle, this is evidence that you have mist in your jar.10072010268

The memory trap

The facts about ‘boat people’ – The government and media are lying – » The Australian Independent Media Network

http://theaimn.com/facts-boat-people-government-media-lying/?subscribe=invalid_email#blog_subscription-3

South African anti-apartheid author, Nobel winner Gordimer dies

http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSKBN0FJ1F320140714?irpc=932

Edvard Munch’s Self-Portraits | berfrois

http://www.berfrois.com/2014/07/edvard-munchs-self-portraits/

Mabo – Yothu Yindi

I just used Shazam to discover Mabo by Yothu Yindi. http://shz.am/t69937249

The Best Hemingway Novels

http://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/industry-news/tip-sheet/article/62748-best-hemingway-books.html#path/pw/by-topic/industry-news/tip-sheet/article/62748-best-hemingway-books.html

James Earl Jones Reads from Walt Whitman’s “Song of Myself” | Brain Pickings

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/05/31/james-earl-jones-reads-walt-whitman/

The gospel according to J.M. Coetzee

http://m.smh.com.au/entertainment/books/the-gospel-according-to-jm-coetzee-20130228-2f6wu.html?post_id=100005668682426_234722760060012#_=_

“The Childhood of Jesus ” by. JM. Coetzee is a beautiful piece of writing. This good review may inspire further reading. Coetzee is one of the finest writers in the world today.

Everybody knows

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Thank you for your response. ✨

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There is much one could say about the state of the world or the state of politics in Australia at the moment. Sometimes it is worth while listening to what certain people have been saying for a long time. This short video of Leonard Cohen singing “Everybody Knows” sums up so much and seems to be applicable to all ages. Take a listen.

A teacher’s sonnet

A teacher's sonnet.

A teacher’s sonnet

 

 

 

 

 

With apologies to ShakespeareImage

Let me not to the marking of scripts

 

Let me not to the marking of many scripts

admit ineptitude. Sanity is not sanity

which fails when it flaws finds

or bends with the writers who are deluded.

Oh no! It is an ever flowing cup

of coffee trudged through calloused catacombs to invigilate

in the long grey hours that are cold, lonely, never up.

Oh these hours on hours on days. These days I hate.

Sanity’s not for sissies, fool! It’s a fragile brew

within the double coiled loops of this lamentable distillery

where load shedded neurons along the grey folds are few

still hoping through hell for relief from this pillory.

And if it be shown that this is sanity

I’ll trade my next paycheck for a frontal lobotomy.

M scallan